I don't know what to put here

For the very first time I am worried about getting on a plane.

The plane just keeps crashing down every time I picture it, but what's ironic is that the one crashing is in fact me. I can barely stand under the weight of my feelings. 

My time in Japan is ending. This is my final night here, and I cannot believe it. Almost a full year in another country, one completely different than my own. The list of experiences I've had and of people I've met and of things I have seen and done is too long to recount right now. I'm too shocked that I just said, "Thank you for everything, good night" to my host family only a moment ago. Too shocked to cry yet or think straight. So for now I'll just keep it like this. 

I am a changed person. I will never go back to how I was before, and thank the high heavens for that. The highs and lows are going to stay with me. I have written one of the best chapters of my life and I will never stop being grateful for the opportunity. I sit here awed and humbled, and stronger than ever. 

My host mother told me the most heartbreaking thing tonight. I am her tenth and final host student, and each time the student left she would enter their newly-empty room and it would always feel like it had all been a dream. 

Okay, this is too much... When I stop grieving, or, no—to help along the grieving process, I'll write everything down that I can remember, so that I don't forget. I'll post to my blog (pictures too) so that you can see. My heart is filled to the brink with incredible, trembling feeling. It feels like it will either sink under the pressure or burst. 

One year, over. Turn the page; keep writing—another year shall begin. 

—Frae